Things I Tried So You Can Keep Your Money
The products that didn't earn a spot in our kit — and the honest reasons we'd return them.
Right. Nobody likes wasting money, and I have wasted rather a lot of it on your behalf. Everything here is something I genuinely wanted to love — most of it is popular, some of it is borderline beloved — but when the testing was done and the scores settled, none of it cleared the bar. A low Glow score doesn't mean a product is evil or that you're silly for liking it. It means that for the price, the performance, or the risk, we can't hand-on-heart tell you to spend your cash. Think of this as the gentle but firm nudge to put the basket down and walk away slowly.
Native Deodorant
At twelve dollars a stick, you're paying for a coin toss with your armpits. Some people genuinely thrive with it — the rest of us end up retreating to the loos at 3pm wondering what went wrong. Not a risk we'd take with our social calendars.
Read the full verdict →
Beetles Gel Polish Kit
The price is temptingly cheap and the colours are plentiful, but vague ingredient transparency and allergy reports make this a hard no from us. Your nail beds are worth more than the saving.
Read the full verdict →
Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream
Gorgeous under foundation, we'll give it that — but as actual skincare it's mostly expensive hope in a pot. If you want a primer, there are cheaper ones. If you want moisturiser, look elsewhere.
Read the full verdict →
Supergoop Glowscreen SPF 40
The glow is real and lovely, which makes what follows even more heartbreaking. Multiple reports of UV test failures and sunburn within two hours mean we simply cannot, in good conscience, let you walk into the sun in this.
Read the full verdict →
La Roche-Posay Anthelios Melt-in Milk SPF 60
The protection credentials are genuinely impressive — but between the pilling, the white cast, and the eye-stinging, wearing it felt like a chore we weren't paid for. At this price, the experience should match the science.
Read the full verdict →